All You Wanted
by Lilies4Lilith
Summary: To celebrate 10 years since her debut, Kou Minako is releasing an autobiography to give her fans an intimate look into her hidden past. Sometimes to change the future, we need to understand the past. AU MinakoxYaten, MinakoxRei


Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Michelle Branch's song "All You Wanted." 

"So lonely inside, so busy out there,

And all you wanted was somebody who cared."

_Somebody who cared…_

This must have been the twentieth time I've practiced this song today, but of all those times… this one right now was perhaps the one that revoked the most emotion inside me. I don't really understand it myself, when or how Pandora managed to open the secret box of those past memories locked away in my heart, all I knew was… as soon as I felt those forbidden tears cascade down my face, splashing their saline moisture onto my brand new custom crafted, hand painted, acoustic guitar, I couldn't play anymore… or, apparently, even hold a guitar. The sound of two million yen making a nasty crash to our marble floor was definitely not something I wanted to hear, but somehow that didn't matter. The moist droplets felt cool against my warm face and I touched them, disturbed their adhered shape, as though to verify their existence.

"Minako, I had the misfortune of hearing the most unpleasant sound of a cracking guitar echoing throughout the mansion. Is everything alright?" it was my husband. Urgently, he kneeled beside me taking my hand between his and proceeded to place a gentle kiss on every knuckle. It was just like him to be such a prince and prick at the same time.

"Had I known you were going to drop your guitar, I might have come earlier when your voice was only slightly wavering and off-tune," he said smiling warmly at me. His hands, now cupping my face, were gently brushing away all those foreign tears. Had it been anyone else who said this I would have been quite offended, but after years of being with him, I've grown to realize his slight verbal abuse was just his twisted, but playful demonstration of affection. Sighing to myself, I leaned into his smooth palms pleading for more comfort, my mind still trying to process exactly what happened. God, was I really that off?

"You okay, my muse?" His voice was now alarmed mixed with a hint of worry. The fact that he used that pet name rather than his usual less than nice ones meant that he was starting to become truly concerned. It had been a while since he last saw me like this hasn't it? Shaking my head, I left the security of his hands and inclined forward until my head collided against the crook of his neck. Automatically, his arms encircled around my lithe body while mine went around his neck, my tears now profusely flowing. Together we stayed like that for who knows how long, and I felt extremely grateful that there were no snide remarks from him during my sudden moment of vulnerability. And in spite of the consoling of my wonderful husband, I knew that something was terribly wrong.

I was not in love my husband. I never was.

* * *

It was dark when I woke up and I had realized that I cried myself to sleep. Suddenly pulled into consciousness by this fact, I looked to the curtains, which were drawn shut to exclude the outer world. I could, however, see some light peeking from the area where the curtain couldn't completely cover. I wondered what time it was. My husband was no longer beside me, but somehow I knew that even a devastated me wouldn't be able to keep him from his busy schedule. Glancing at the clock, I saw the time was 12:48pm. Yeah, he was definitely not going to stay in bed. At least, he let me sleep in.

Flinging my head back against my pillow, I gazed at the ceiling with wild images like photos from a projector running through my head, images of a girl with long black hair, violet eyes, seductive red lips, and flawless pale skin. And then, as though the editor of this film running through my head finally added sound, there was her voice. Oh how I remembered her voice, how I used to love hearing that voice calling my name, a voice that would always quicken the beating of my fragile heart. Though that was so many years ago, her voice must sound even lovelier now. Wow, I've never really realized how long it has been since those years at summer camp. Kawamoto's Academy for the Musically Gifted was the place that got people to notice my singing in the first place. And even then, if it wasn't for her, no one would have cared to listen to me in the first place. If only you could see how far I've gotten now.

Turning onto my side, I grabbed the magazine that lay on my nightstand. Smack dab on the front cover was a picture of me wearing a white dress with hardly any make-up. The honest, yet fearful expression on my face was to emphasize my vulnerability, but anyone who really knew me would know that such a visage was one that I have mastered after years of acting. The words "Unveiling the Real Minako" was printed in large black letters, which I suppose were to contrast against my white dress and the light pink background. I flipped to my interview, skipping the eight glamorous photos of myself posing as a damsel in distress in a white dress, where I read the white lies I was told to say by my agent. I threw the magazine onto the floor in disgust.

I wonder if my fans would still love me if they knew my real past, not this fabricated version of an innocent, talented girl who just happened to be discovered by the music industry. No, I've dealt with too much superficiality in this business to allow it to continue any further. My past may not be as dark as I make it sound to be, but it's definitely no sugary fairy tale either. It was then I realized that maybe I should write an autobiography. I could use to it get this horrible burden of deception off my chest and let my fans know who I really am. And maybe, just maybe, I could use it to find her again…

Inspired by my own idea, I swiftly kicked my pink blanket watching as it barely flew into the air and settled itself somewhere near my feet. I was still dressed in my practicing uniform, which honestly was just my panties and bra. It was a bad habit that I had picked up during my time at Kawamoto's, my eyes briefly closed in enjoyment of the memory.

"_What are you wearing?" her voice was surprisingly not of unease, which was kind of the emotion I was hoping to get out of her. Instead, she just had that tone she always had when she was annoyed by my attempts to make her feel uncomfortable that what-the-hell-are-you-trying-to-do-Minako voice. _

"_Geez, I was expecting that even you knew what panties and a bra looked like," I was sitting at the end of my twin-sized bed with my legs hanging off the elevated frame. I had been working up the courage and body to pull this stunt for a while and was finally proud to flaunt my hot body to woo the girl of my dreams. Hell, I even shaved in all the right places so that there wouldn't be any embarrassing hairs poking out of where they weren't supposed to. My guitar was on my lap, and I was nonchalantly plucking the fretwires testing to see if the sound they produced matched the notes they were supposed to be._

"_I can see that," nope, she was definitely not amused. She walked over to her side of the room and placed her schoolbag on her bed before calmly and seriously turning to ask, "Let me rephrase then, why exactly are you wearing that?"_

"_It's my practicing uniform," I stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. And true to my word, __I began to perform a very simple composition that we learnt today, something called Greensleeves. _

I guess even to this day it just kind of stuck, but I only do this in the private quarters of my room. Heaven knows how ballistic my agent would get if I were to come to the recording studio in just my underwear. After getting out of bed, I went over to the sofa and put on my black night robe, which was where I usually discard all my night clothing before I change. I don't know how he puts up with my mess sometimes. I chuckled at myself as I saw various other clothes sprawled all over the sofa.

When I had left the room, I could already hear the faint sound of my husband playing the piano. Considering that he was the brains behind the melodies of the band, I could only guess that he was coming up with a new song. I suppose it's time for the Three Lights to start a new single to meet with the demands of their fans. The sunlight was exceptionally bright today and its radiant rays penetrated through the windows to create a natural illumination throughout the mansion. As I walked down the stairs, I looked at the photos of the smiling faces of my husband and myself during our wedding day. It was almost as though they were mocking me, how could I throw away everything I had with him when I had been so happy with him. It nearly broke my heart.

Before entering his practice room, which required me to first pass through the kitchen, the scent of a wondrous meal invaded my senses. Surely enough as soon as I entered the kitchen, there was a lovely breakfast platter set on our dining table. On it was some zarusoba, fruits, yogurt, salad, a slice of toast, and some orange juice. I should just point out right now that when it comes to household chores, I almost do nothing. My clean-freak of a husband never trusted that I'd be able to take away a grease stain out of a pan like him. Besides, I can't really cook. He usually is the one making us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There are some occasions where I make the food, but I know he feels it isn't as up to par as his own preparations. It's not my fault that I never really had the chance to cook and the fact that he loves to spoil me. His side of the table was already cleaned and washed with not a single crumb or stain on the table. He had even changed the centerpiece for today. In the middle of our dining table was a lovely bouquet of red roses that he probably bought this morning while I was still asleep. I grabbed the toast taking a big bite of it before making my way to his practicing room. Unlike him, that bite probably left some crumbs on the table, or worse, the floor.

I don't know why, but just as my hand was reaching for the knob my body became paralyzed. The music emitting behind the doors was so pure and from the heart, it was understandable why women and men admired him so much. He was definitely more than just a pretty face; he was an extremely talented musician… with an extremely, incomparable bad temper. Pressing my forehead against the door, I listened as his fingers seemed to race up and down the piano in progressive chords. It seemed like only when he was playing the piano that he was finally able to express his true feelings. For some reason, this suddenly reminded me of another thing…

"_Hey, I'm not interrupting am I?" I whispered as I closed the door of her practice room. She gave quite an audible sigh. I had always been curious about how her piano playing was. It was unfair that she always got to listen to me practice the guitar in our room and hear all my mess-ups. Then again, I suppose it was because it'd be very unlikely for us to have a piano in our room, and it's not like she really got to hear me sing since I always practiced that when she was off with her piano lessons. _

"_It's fine if you're just going to stand there. Otherwise, get out," she warned before returning to some Chopin piece. Leaning against the door frame, I observed her pour every inch of herself into the instrument. She was improvising the piece, adding her own charm to Chopin's already ethereal composition. It was breathtaking. I knew she had to be good at the piano because we all had to reach some standard to be able to enter this program, but damn, she was really good. It was as though I was finally able to look into her true self and the fact that she was willing to expose this part of her to me was so amazing that I wanted to cry. I absolutely had to cry and as soon as I did, she kicked me out for disrupting her._

Maybe that's why I fell for him. There were so many qualities between the two that were just so similar. They were both haughty, stubborn, humorless workaholics who, when revealing their true selves, proved to be loving, talented, beautiful-hearted individuals. Of course, I'm probably just generalizing at the moment, but when I really think about it I could see what drew me to him. There are lots of differences too and it was these particular things that were the very reason why I know I do not love him. He was just some substitute for the person I really love and with all the similarities, I could see how I was blinded for so long by a feeling for him what I thought was love. And he really doesn't deserve that. No, he deserves much, much better. Turning the knob, I entered the room ready to tell him everything. There was no turning back now.

"I don't deserve you."

The music immediately stopped and as though to show acknowledgement to my presence, he turned his body so he could see my eyes. He gave his usual smirk before opening his arms, so that I could settle down in his lap. I took another bite from the toast as I wanted for his response.

"You're probably right, but I'm sure you have your redeeming points too. Did you sleep well?" he asked as he nuzzled against the crook of my neck. He was being strangely affectionate today, but it was probably to ensure that I wouldn't have another breakdown. I knew he was never going to directly ask me about yesterday unless I was first to bring it up. His question of last night's rest, however, made for the perfect transition to discuss what happened.

"As well as I usually do," I responded taking another bite and watching his eyes glance in disapproval of the crumbs getting onto his black shirt. Annoyingly, he took the bread from me and took a bite from it as well.

"Good, good. Oh Minako, I'm working on a new piece for the Three Lights," his hands lightly patted my hips as an indication for me to move, to which I easily complied. Swiveling on the chair, he handed me the half eaten toast before starting to perform his latest masterpiece. It was in B major on the piano, but I knew that it was probably going to be transcribed to some other key as he continued playing. And although he had begun the piece in simple chords, it soon developed into a more complex melody with disjointed chords. There were no words yet to the song, but I suppose that was more of his brothers' duties. The song was filled with so much hope and love that it was becoming difficult for me to hold in what I needed to tell him.

"Yaten, I don't really love you," I blurted. The words left before my heart could really process them and as soon as I said it I regretted how I phrased the words. And it seems that my words have suddenly paralyzed my poor, wonderful husband. The sweet melody stopped and I could tell that he was shocked to have heard what I just said. He didn't turn around though, he didn't move at all really, he just wanted to hear what I had to say next.

"I mean… I do love you Yaten," I stepped forward to enclose my arms around his neck, cradling his beautiful head. I was grateful that he still allowed physical contact; I don't think I would've known what to do if he didn't. "It's just that…" c'mon say it now, don't chicken out now! "it's just that…"

"You're not in love with me?" he finished for me as he twisted his head to face me. Oh god, he looks so sad. There were no tears, no snot coming down his nose to cause him to sniffle, no, that was actually how I looked right about now. Instead, he was just sad and the tone of confusion he had in his voice just made me want to cry even harder. However, feeling that I had to continue our conversation, I nodded and I could see right in front of me how he too was beginning to break down.

"Is there somebody else?" he asked as he detached my arms so that he could hold my hands in his own. The fact that he didn't seem to be angry at all was deeply upsetting. No, instead he just continued his role as the perfect husband, my perfect gentleman. He took my silence as a yes, which wouldn't be incorrect. I did love someone else, but whether they loved me was something I wasn't too sure. Was it foolish of me to confess this now without even completely knowing if the feeling was reciprocal?

"You know, you were the only woman I really loved since Princess," he confessed to me whilst giving me a weak smile. Princess, a nickname for a red-haired woman named Kakyuu, was a close friend of the Kou brothers since they were all young. I think they grew up together or something. He always harbored strong feelings for the girl, and swore to protect her no matter what. I could only imagine how crushed he was when he found out that Kakyuu was in love with not him, but his older brother Seiya. And now I was doing the exact same thing to him, crushing that annoying, yet endearing ego of his. I'm so sorry, Yaten.

"Hey, crybaby, shouldn't you be explaining yourself to me?" he teased as he nudged at my side, so that I would stop hiding my crying face. And as soon as I lifted my face, he caught my chin between his thumb and forefinger, so that I would be forced to look at him. "I am, after all, a pretty amazing catch." His humor always managed to "brighten" my worse moods.

"Of course," I said honestly, "you are the most perfect person ever and I'm so sorry that I couldn't be the most perfect person for you."

His answer was a loving kiss on my nose and then a rude pinch on my cheek. As I was screaming from the intrusion of pain, he smirked and said, "You were, clearly, it was I who wasn't enough for you."

"I thought breakups were supposed to be difficult," I said as he finally let go of my poor cheek, which was still vibrating from the unexpected attack.

At my comment, he scoffed, "They are. You're just lucky that I'm such an understanding, wonderful, sweet person, but don't think I'm letting you off the hook that easily woman. I'm going to hold onto this forever, so expect a lot more critical remarks from me. Like next time you wear such a hideous dress to the Tokyo Artists Awards, I'm going to tell you straight up you look like an atrocious hippopotamus in a sixty year old lady's dress." Hey… I actually liked that dress and I don't think I was that fat…

"And don't think the media isn't going to explode this story when they find out we're breaking up. We have been married for four years…" his voice trailed as though he was thinking about all the time we had together wasted. It would have been a total of two years dating and four years of marriage, though we are really only just two months shy of it becoming five years.

"Let me handle that part, Yacchan," my autobiography would be a good way to explain to the world of our split. But before anyone else hears this story, I was going to first tell it to the person who, at the moment, deserved to hear it the most. He was no longer going to be my lover, but he'd always be my best friend. "I'm clearing your schedule; you're not going to be working for the rest of the day."

"But, the Three Lights need – "

"Nope," I said pulling him out of his practice room and towards our bedroom. This was going to be a long story and I was going to make sure that he was in a comfortable place to listen to the entire thing.

"What the hell are you doing Minako, I really need to work on this song," he stated. And even though his mouth kept signifying the importance of this "new song," he never once tried to struggle out of my grip. He followed me because he too wanted to know what was happening between us.

"I'm going to tell you everything; all the little things that I've never told anyone in my life."

"Look Minako, I don't think right now is a good time for me to listen you blab on and on about your real lover. I don't really want to know about him right now. You can introduce us later in, oh, when I'm dead," I wasn't too sure if he was joking about that. I guess he was going to show me that he was a little jealous and hurt by my revelation after all.

"Actually, she's a girl." A lesbian relationship? Oh Minako, you really do know how to create a scandal. A pale eyebrow raised in surprise. Yes, Yaten, my story is definitely going to be one you don't want to miss.

* * *

Author's notes: I decided to distract myself and start a new story. This has been in the back of my mind for quite some time though, so I'm glad I finally got to start it. I won't abandon MEFY though. This will just give me something to write when I'm temporarily being writer's blocked by MEFY. Yes, I made Yaten male. And yes, this is the first time I'm writing a fic in first person for a fanfiction. Hopefully I know what I'm doing and I hope you enjoyed it too.


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